Many people have this misconception that when a woman is pregnant it’s the happiest time in her life. When in reality it can actually be extremely stressful, especially if you don’t have support. Hormonally you’re unbalanced, dealing with new pressures, more responsibilities and listening to the opinions of all those that believe they know what you’re going through. What I’ve learned through pregnancy is that not one woman’s experience is the same as the other. So, listening to other women’s horror stories should never be taken into account. Your baby and your pregnancy is your own. If you can’t separate the two you’ll find yourself comparing your pregnancy and setting these ridiculous standards for yourself. I’m now eight months along and I’ve heard it all. I politely nod and smile when family members, friends and strangers on the street share their thoughts on being pregnant. I understand it’s their way of showing they care, but it doesn’t help. I’ve gotten maybe one or two questions asking, how are you feeling about your pregnancy? It’s so rare to hear that whenever someone did ask me I’d be stumped. I’d respond, “Wait, you don’t want to tell me how I should be feeling?”
Most of what I’m sharing in this post is me venting and figuring out a healthy way to express my emotions. Do I have the urge to yell out, LEAVE ME ALONE?! Yes, but thankfully I know to save my breath. My intent is not to discourage anyone or say it’s all exhausting, but it has its ups and downs like every thing else in life. It’s a very vulnerable time in a woman’s life. You’re a working vessel for this amazing little human being. You’re responsible for he or she’s well-being. You have to take good care of your body, spirit and mind. You realize that you can never be selfish again. Most importantly, you must always remember this baby didn’t ask to be brought into this world and any issues you have you should deal with them. This journey of bringing a life into the world forces you to self reflect. This way you’re not transferring your own fears or repeating the cycle with your baby. The best attitude to have is to be honest with yourself. Try not to let negative thoughts linger in your heart and give yourself a break. My mantra for today is, just breathe in with the good and out with the bad.
Grateful I have my blog as an outlet to share my experiences and hopefully inspire others. Paz Alexandra
It’s that time of year when you can start to shed those winter blues and the sun begins to shine again. You start your spring cleaning, cleansing your home and life of all unnecessary things. You open your windows to let in that fresh air. You lay out in the sun, basking in its warmth. Memorized by the suns rays you smile up at the sky. It begins to bring life back into your heart as the sun hugs your entire body. You can almost feel yourself blossoming after what’s felt like an eternal winter. You sing with the birds, dance with the cool breeze and let go of all that cold weight. Your mind is silent; all you do is feel the suns embrace. You forget all your problems, the sun has healed you and you say to yourself, “I LOVE DAYS LIKE THIS.”
Here is one of my favorite songs of all time. This song is uplifting spiritually and always reminds me of the suns power. Paz.
Lately, I’ve been told I’m glowing from within, because of my pregnancy. It’s really nice to hear, but honestly I feel I’m more like blowing up. My belly is huge! She has officially taken over and made herself at home in there. We’ve got nine weeks to go, the kicks are more frequent and feistier. Every night I tell Shawn, I think she wants out. She’s ready to break free and I’m ready to hold her in my arms. Earlier this evening at a party I met this tiny little girl. She caught my attention, because she had the sweetest demeanor. We got to play for a bit and she was an absolute doll. I smiled and got even more excited if that’s possible to meet my little doll, Annabella Delaney. I cannot wait to play with her, dress her up, read to her and bond with her. The little girls mother said to me, “be prepared girls are all about their daddy“. Ah, yes daddy’s little girl, something I’m definitely looking forward to watching. Annabella can have all the daddy time she wants. I’m sure will all share fun filled adventures as the three musketeers in Hawaii. The Beaty Bunch! Haha I can see it now. She really is going to be the best. Made up of all the love her daddy and I have for one another. Her daddy will melt when he meets her and I’ll bring her close to my chest as soon as she enters this world. She’ll get to know my scent and I’ll fall in love with hers. I get goose bumps just thinking about it.
Here are a few self portraits of my belly in full bloom.
For years as a child and adolescent my mom had to know everywhere I was. Everything I was doing and if I was breathing properly while doing it. By the time I reached my teenage years I was exhausted from what felt like overbearing parenting. I can still recall rolling my eyes at her and saying, why do you worry so much about me? Of course at times it was nice to know she cared, but for the most part it was irritating. After some time I even began to adopt some of her fears and found myself not being as outgoing as I wish I had been.
Now, at twenty-eight years old and pregnant I find myself worrying about things I cannot control. For weeks now I’ve been agonizing about the world outside our home. How people will treat her? How to make sure she is always safe and what ways can I protect her? Than a light bulb went off in my head and I thought to myself, oh no I’m going to repeat my mothers pattern. Well, that’s definitely something I do not want for my baby or myself.
These are the things you start to think about as a parent. I’ve never felt this kind of unconditional love before, a strong maternal love. It is a wonderful blessing; therefore I realized I needed to redirect my worrisome energy into something positive. Allowing her to grow up trusting her instincts, her heart and right from wrong. I never want to hold her back from experiencing life and basking in the happiness that she can attain. She’ll learn and grow just like her father and I did. She’ll know how to deal most importantly with life’s up’s and downs, because she’d have come from a trusting, loving home.